Turning 37- Free flowing with determination!
Every year on my birthday I write about growing a year older. It’s all about encompassing the experiences of the last year and seeing how I have grown or moved forward in life. Or have I gone backward? Well, you’ll soon find out.
So, let’s start with how I felt when I was 36 — that’s last year. I was accomplished, I had years of diverse work experience and just finished my Doctorate. I was done and dusted with many things I wanted to do — I had published a book and was working on a few more for children, I had got my Doctorate, I had worked in industries that excited me, and had done a great job of it, as well as learned so much. Since everything was checked off, the only thing that was left to do was find a good partner, get married, and have kids!
I was trying to date someone dependable, but nothing was really working out. And I was really disappointed, not that much about the partner part but about the fact that I may not have my own biological kids unless I found someone that year! It was getting too late to have kids. I have a mental note that I won’t bear kids beyond the age of 38 as it would be too risky for my body. So, I went through a terrible phase of just being low as I wasn’t able to find a man fast enough and have my own kids. Adoption was out of the option and bringing up a child as a single woman was also out of the option. I wanted the joy of the companionship and togetherness of bringing a child up, plus we all know it’s super tough to do it alone! You need an entire support system!
So having gone through that, I made some rash decisions on Valentine’s Day to date a random but seemingly sweet guy. Weirdly I got connected to him so fast and in the whole mumbo jumbo of wanting a partnership and kids as fast as possible, I deep dove into the relationship, which later came completely crash landing as the guy took me for a ride!
But one amazing thing came out of that. I realized how much I had put into the relationship, neglecting a lot of my own emotional needs. The man felt like a pearl in an oyster. So, when the relationship ended, it got me thinking — What if all this energy I had put into the relationship was used by me to get to another level in life? I mean I was happy in life, but the question of what more and what next comes, right? So, I decided to take that energy and put it into pushing my dreams even further.
I ended up publishing 3 children’s books. I ended up starting my own audiobook podcast. I got back to my music and started original compositions! I have my original music on YouTube now and it does feel like I accomplished a lot of things I was confused about or struggling to do previously. I think with hard work, and constant trying, there will always be a day when it all clicks, and you have that Oh! moment when you just GET how to do what you have been wanting to do since forever! And then it becomes reasonably easier.
So now I’ve got my books out, I’ve got my music out. Now what? I guess now it’s all about marketing the creations that I have made so there is more outreach, right? What other potential path is there? I mean, I could continue to write and make songs, but there has to be a larger point to it, right?
Sometimes I question this. What I mean to say is, for a long time I was just happy creating and didn’t care about marketing or money coming in from my artistic pursuits. But after reaching a certain level of mastery, you have to become popular, right? I mean the kind of work I do is quality work and people like it, but do things rise slowly or do we have to intervene and see how we can make a mark and shove things in front of people’s faces so that they like the product and buy it? Someone liking your work is great, but it takes a backseat, and you look for mass sales of the product you put your heart and soul into. It’s always an artist’s ordeal, to move into the business side of things. We hate it but maybe we have to think about it sometime. We can still keep creating what we want, that doesn’t have to stop, but what about sales and outreach?
I also understood that there are moments when I feel like whining and I get bored with life, but I realized that it was just because there is a sense of complacency and I need to challenge myself in some way to feel more liberated! This was honestly a huge problem for me. I used to get bored and get used to things very easily. Once I understood something and I did a lot of it, I got bored, as it became easy. So, I found out that my challenges have to be more and my goals bigger! But I also realized that to reach bigger goals, we have to invest in ourselves. And later we could possibly bear the fruits of it. So, that investment is what I am thinking of experimenting with over the next year to see how far I get by 38!
Note to self: Also, Divya, you are doing a pretty good job. Every year you always have a new bunch of accolades. And you take the time to get the things you want done, by learning new things and possibly new ways of doing them! So, I am proud of you as a human, and of how you keep taking steps forward and want to be at least 20 steps ahead of last year. I think if you keep going on like this, all these small steps you are taking to decide how you want your future to be, the final results will be commendable.
Major learnings:
Keep challenging yourself, to move away from boredom!
Not all your work has to be published out there. Some stuff can turn out to be crap and a lot of the stuff can be just for YOU, to ruminate over later.
Keep trying new things as you do, but don’t forget there are steps beyond creation you have to cater to professionally!
Never underestimate your capabilities! You are more steps ahead than you think but you can do more with what you have with some external support. The next few years are going to be about this as you have done the internal work. Now it’s time for the external forces to aid you to get to your goal— This one is for the long run!
I guess that’s about it! 37 is going to be a good one! I know it :)
YouTube channel : Sierra Shine
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