The smell of fear…

What are you too scared to do?

I had a friend who would wake up every morning and do something that he would be super uncomfortable with. It would be small things like brushing with his left hand or even using his left hand as a dominant hand for a whole day. He would sometimes make painstakingly elaborate fruit salads that him and his wife could eat all day or even go hug a few trees in public. You know, things which people would normally find weird or silly. When asked why, he would say that it helps build an openness to face new challenges and opportunities in life which are out of your comfort zone, with more ease. You’ll be more accepting of these opportunities, you’ll be okay with anomalies, and it’ll be easy to jump into them as your mind won’t constantly want comfort or be in resistance mode, he said.

He also had this habit of allowing rejection to happen on a daily basis. I’m not saying he would be putting himself in situations where he would get rejected but he would do things which would normally, in most cases get no response. For example, he would e mail his favorite author telling him/her that he loves their work, he would mail a dream company asking for a job, he would text a celebrity over Instagram. Now you might think that all of this is quite pointless. The big guns are not going to respond anyway, so why bother?

He urged me to try this, and I did it. What did I get out of this? Well, doing this regularly helped me a lot! What began happening was, I started becoming this person who would reach out and be proactive about going and fighting for my dream, no matter how big, airy, impossible, unrealistic or stupid it might be. The fact that I mailed my favorite author or sent out an application to that dream job made me more confident of getting up and doing something I wanted or dreamed of, without thinking about the final result at hand. It gave me a lot of confidence. Some places I applied for actually did respond back and one of the authors connected with me too! I would have never done this before as I would have thought, what are the chances of a response and what would come out of it anyways? But now, my mental wiring has changed to ‘why, not? what’s the worst that could happen?’ and ‘it’s better to try and fail than to not try at all’.

So, in this blog, I talk about the idea of fear and how we all try to allow it to just stay in the way and prevent ourselves from moving forward. It’s the relentlessly told story of ‘you are the one in your own way’.

Fear is a natural and adaptive response that has evolved to help humans and other animals respond to threats in their environment. While fear can be a protective mechanism, it can also be influenced by psychological, social, and cultural factors. Here are some reasons why people may experience fear:

Survival Instinct:

• Fear is deeply rooted in the instinct for self-preservation. It alerts us to potential dangers and triggers the “fight, flight, or freeze” response, preparing the body to respond to a threat.

Unknown and Uncertainty:

• Fear often arises when faced with the unknown or uncertain situations. The human brain is wired to prefer predictability and familiarity, and uncertainty can trigger a fear response.

Previous Trauma:

• Individuals who have experienced trauma may develop heightened fear responses, especially when confronted with stimuli reminiscent of the traumatic event. This is often associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Lack of Control:

• Fear can arise when individuals feel a lack of control over their circumstances. The inability to influence or manage a situation can lead to anxiety and fear.

Social Conditioning:

• Cultural and societal influences play a significant role in shaping fears. Phobias, for example, can be learned through observation or conditioning.

Fear of the Unknown:

• The unfamiliar and unknown can be unsettling. Fear of the unknown often stems from the anticipation of potential negative outcomes.

Loss of Status or Security:

• Fear of losing one’s status, security, or social standing can be a powerful motivator. Economic instability, job loss, or social rejection can evoke fear responses.

Fear of Failure:

• The fear of failure can prevent individuals from taking risks or pursuing their goals. It is often linked to concerns about judgment, criticism, or negative consequences.

Biological Factors:

• Individual differences in brain chemistry and genetic predispositions can influence the intensity and frequency of fear responses.

Cultural and Social Expectations:

• Cultural norms and social expectations can shape fears. For example, societal stigmas or judgments may lead to fears of rejection or exclusion.

Loss of Autonomy:

• Fear of losing control over one’s life or choices can be a powerful motivator. This fear is often linked to concerns about personal freedom and autonomy.

Media Influence:

• Exposure to frightening or distressing content in the media, including news reports or fictional stories, can contribute to fear and anxiety.

Understanding fear is complex, as it involves a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors. While fear serves a protective function, excessive or irrational fear can interfere with daily life. In many cases, addressing and understanding the underlying causes of fear can help individuals manage and overcome their anxieties.

Let’s talk about facing our fears and turning them into victories. Fear can be pretty overwhelming, but trust me, it’s not something we can’t handle. First off, let’s figure out what’s causing our fear. Once we understand it, we can learn more about it and challenge those negative thoughts. Take it step by step; you don’t have to jump into the deep end right away. It helps to share what you’re going through with friends or family — having people in your corner makes a big difference. Set small goals, practice staying in the moment, and remind yourself of the good things. It’s like training a muscle; the more you work on it, the stronger you get. Doing things like yoga or talking to someone can be part of your plan. And hey, celebrate the wins, no matter how small. We’re all on this journey together, and we’ve got what it takes to face our fears and thrive.

Are you waiting for that external push, or motivation? Well, you can keep waiting endlessly for that. The trick is to replace the want of that by internal willpower and a ‘let’s try, what’s the worst that could happen’, mindset. Give this a shot.

So, send that message or email or walk up to the person you have a crush on a tell them, join that class you’ve been planning to go to forever, or try to bag that dream job you’ve been wanting. Go for it! Don’t stand in between you and a potential future which could be a dream come true! And remember, no one is going to say no to you :)