It’s been a while…
It’s been a while since I wrote on Medium. I used to religiously do it at one point but then I got more into poetry for some reason and was writing and performing more of that. Just a few updates about life as I need the catharsis.
Today I write about dealing with aging parents. Now I have a Mom who is 65 and lives with me. Most of the time I understand that I am the support system and the caregiver to her at this age, making sure I can do what I can to keep her cheerful, but there have been days when I didn’t feel like doing so. Primarily because I wanted to start dating again and I wanted to bring people over and have a good time. I wanted to do a lot of things that I thought my Mom would not think appropriate and for some reason, I felt too embarrassed to bring a guy friend home or throw a party when she was around. I guess I didn't want her getting into my personal life and I thought that doing so would just cause havoc. So I decided to do something about it. I got a place near home to spend time when I needed the space. Funnily you might think that this would be perfect, time at home with Mom and then some time at the studio when I needed alone time. But it was hell. I was just torn between the two spaces and my mind went into whirlwind mode as to where I should be. And this moodiness started creeping up. Sometimes here, there — when I didn't feel like facing Mom I would go to the other house, and when I felt lonely in the other house I would come home. But the problem that this led to was that I couldn't be grounded or face anything. I was becoming a little like a butterfly running away to different places when I felt like it. After a point of time, it also hit me that having a place of your own ultimately gets expensive, and monthly rentals become a big chore. And then it hits you -why the hell did you do this? Instead, stay at home, use your time well, take care of Mom, accept the good and the bad days, and stay secure and grounded. So now I am back home and will soon be packing up from my other rented home. And I guess I appreciate what I have more now and understand how a home can have a lot of benefits. Here and there yes, there might be days where you feel off but it’s okay. You will get through this and you will be just fine.
For others who are going through this, times might be tough but just set your mind and priorities right, and soon you’ll be doing alright too.